How to Break Up with your Therapist
We’ve all been there. We’re sitting across from our therapist and get this sinking feeling “maybe this isn’t working out anymore” or “they don’t get me at a level I feel I need” or “this isn’t helping as much as I thought I would, I need something different.” What do you do? How do you break up with your therapist?
Well, there’s the most common “pretend you never had a therapist option” that most of us choose because confrontation is HARD, scary, and we don’t want to disappoint them. But the truth is on some level— they’re disappointing us. This isn’t intentional though, it simply isn’t a good fit and that’s okay.
Every consult or new client I have, I say this: “finding a therapist is like finding a pair of jeans. you need a new pair, you’ve found you’ve outgrown them, or they just aren’t working for you!”
My preference for clients is to BE HONEST. If the fit isn’t a match, it benefits both the client and the clinician to approach the situation with honesty. The client can get the actual help they need and the clinician can strengthen their skills and reflect if need be! It can be hard to be honest and vulnerable, but here is a good first step in setting boundaries with yourself and getting what you need.
Here are samples of a breakup email:
A. Hey [therapists name]!
I’ve done some reflecting over the past week or so. I appreciate your time and guidance in the sessions we’ve had, although I’m not sure I’m growing in the ways I feel I need right now and am going to move in a different direction.
I wish you well!
B. Hey [therapists name]!
I hope you’re well. I recognize I haven’t been coming to sessions lately or as frequently. I believe I benefited from what was learned but am wanting a different approach now. Thank you for your time!
Thank you!
C. Hey [therapists name]!
I noticed my hesitancy in wanting to continue sessions, which I believe is a sign to move in a different direction. Thank you for your time!
These examples range in emotion and I believe cover liking your therapist to not loving your therapist— to put it nicely.
Whether you’re in the midst of a therapist breakup, wanting one, or have never had one, YOU DESERVE to grow and flourish with a therapist you feel is the best match! I hope you find one that fits!
